I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Houston, we have a squirter
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dear god my vagina.
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