SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
