How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
