When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I wear drunk well.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
