Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
