do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
