its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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