somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
