Nicole vs. Life
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
