There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
