i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
