I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
