i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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