I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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