you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
