Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
