Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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