I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
