Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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