And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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