Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize