I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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