hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize