He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
