dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
