she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
