She is in my trunk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
