I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
