Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
