I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
