Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
