have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
