I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
