they need to just BURY HIM!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
