i was born a porn star she said
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
