Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
