what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
