first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
