I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
