I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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