I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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