woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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