Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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