Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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