Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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