I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
