it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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