I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
