yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
