his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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