just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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