Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
