Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Alive.
So much puke
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
