fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
