clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
