I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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