i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
