Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
