i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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