Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
