shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
