new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
