wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
