Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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