It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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