i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
