If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
