either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
