The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
