all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
