I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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