you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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