Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
