Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
